Tag: travel

umm… let’s not do that again.

but seriously, tho… while 28 was filled with so many moments of great joy, it always was burdened with fear and anxiety around what the future holds in terms of my academic/professional life, and unfortunately the latter still continues. while i think this has easily been the toughest year of my life to date, as i said, there were also moments of joy and lots of moments where all i could say was “look at God!” so let’s dive in!

birthday!

age 28 did not start with my traditional birthday brunch. rather, i spent my first day as a 28-year-old between the national i.d. office (yes, kuzvitupa) and the passport office in harare – what a birthday! but that meant i spent my birthday in zimbabwe, my first birthday at home in 9 years! it was an up and down day, from car battery issues and parking “tickets” which almost got my mom arrested (and yes, i’m a wimp, i cried), to being pleasantly surprised that you no longer have to arrive at 5AM and spend all day at the passport office (praise God!). at the end of the day my mom got me a cake, my family sang for me, and it was altogether not a bad day. not a bad day at all.

seeing as this was my first birthday at home since i was a teenager, i wanted to make it special. i was also about to turn 28, the age i had been looking forward to for a long long time. so, i decided i’d throw a small party with my family (a few days after my actual birthday). but if you are african, or more precisely, if you have an african mother, then you know that “small party” is an oxymoron. my “let-me-gather-ten-to-fifteen-people-and-spend-X-dollars” party turned into a “welp-the-guest-list-is-now-so-big-we-must-hire-chairs-from-somewhere-and-triple-the-budget” party… i should have known – that’s on me for not anticipating the inevitable. nonetheless, i was so so happy to have all the people who came to my party there. there was singing, there was praying, there was dancing, there was cooking, and there was eating. my family travelled from many towns away in zimbabwe just to come and celebrate me, and my heart was so full. so, to everyone who showed up to celebrate me and with me, thank you. i know being there was a sacrifice for many – Mwari angaakukomborerei awedzera pamakabvisa, akuonei munezvese zvamunokumbira muzita rake <3.

while i love being home and throwing a party (i truly love bringing people together, nothing brings me greater joy), this was not in fact the reason for my trip home. my trip was necessiated by the fact that i needed to renew my passport, and seeing as a specific man i absolutely adore and who shall remain unnamed (uhhumm… dad) had insisted i leave my national id with him (a necessary part of the passport application) because he feared i’d lose it (again) and had proceeded to lose it himself (and completely forget that i’d given it to him at all), i had to travel back to zim to get a new id so i could get a new passport. tbh, i was not thrilled about having to spend copious amounts of money to go and get a new piece of plastic in zimbabwe, but i was happy to be home. for those who keep up with u.s. news, you’ll know that last spring was not a great time for international students to travel. many were being refused re-entry at the boarder and even more had their visas revoked and were being deported from the u.s. consequently, i was really on edge leaving the u.s. at the time. but i couldn’t put off the trip.

so, i went home. i got my id, i got my passport, and while i was there i also decided to renew my u.s. visa. …enter my biggest “look at God” moment for the year… little did i know that a few weeks after i renewed by visa, the u.s. would change the validity period of visas from two years to three months, but the new rule would not apply retrospectively to visas that had already been issued! phew! little did i also know, that the u.s. would, at the same time, close the u.s. embassy in harare’s visa processing unit and require all zimbabwean applicants to apply for their visas from south africa. little did i also know that the u.s. would stop issuing new visas to most zimbabweans, myself included, effectively placing a travel ban on anyone who didn’t already hold a valid visa. honestly, this was such a huge “look at God” trip for me, because if i (my dad) had not lost my id, i would not have had to go home, and if i hadn’t gone home i would not have renewed my visa at that exact time, and if i hadn’t renewed it then, i had no plans to renew it any other time in the near future, which would have completely restricted my ability to go on the job market this year as i could only apply for jobs in the u.s. as foreign interviews would have proven to be a challenge, if not impossible. so i am so so grateful. thank you, dad, for losing my id. in the future, i will not get mad if you lose anything that is mine. i will choose to trust that its a “look at God” moment that i just don’t have the perspective to see yet.

anyhoo… the rest of my trip in zimbabwe was really good! i missed my girls mutsa, rudo, and chido who were still in the uk at the time, but overall had a good time.

summer

i got back to the u.s. mid-may, new i.d., passport, and visa in hand, and thank God i had no issues at all with border control – just smooth sailing :)! but as soon as i got back to the u.s., the heat was on (literally and metaphorically). i needed to come up with a dissertation topic as soon as yesterday and the clock was ticking. at this point i want to give a huge shout out to my primary advisor, chris ittner, who has so selflessly spent hours and hours on a *weekly* basis with me, helping me brainstorm and think through my dissertation. it has not always been smooth sailing, and our wires have sometimes gotten crossed in not-great ways, but i am so so grateful for his guidance and mentorship. anyhoo… so, may came along and i continued my dissertation search. i eventually landed on something in june, but as these things go, the project has evolved immensely since then and it continues to evolve.

i also got back on my regular running schedule once i was back in philly and added a new routine: i would work pretty much everyday starting at 8am, but at 6pm it was park time. i would pick up my novel, grab my picnic blanket and head out for a walk and spend time in one of the parks in philly reading my book, people watching, or both. on one of my people watching days i got to witness a wedding on a wednesday evening in the park!

here are a few pics from may:

i took a trip to new haven for the yale accounting conference where i got to catch up with some folks and listen to some really smart people present their pretty cool research. i love being in new haven as it gives me a chance to catch up with some of my friends who still live there. the conference was also pretty well timed because it was the same weekend as my fifth college reunion (which i honestly had no interest in attending given we had just had our make-up graduation three years prior). so rather than actually attend reunion, i just wandered around campus after the conference a little and surely enough i ran into some folks i knew and hadn’t seen in a minute. then, as is my tradition, i rushed to arethusa to buy myself a pint of ice cream then got back on my train to philly.

then came the season of joe’s wedding!!! and i am very proud (and feel super cool) to share that i was invited to the bachelor party! yes, you read that right! joe is so lovely he invited me, phyllis, theresa, and nardos to join him and the boys for the bachelor party – a weekend trip to portland maine at the end of may. theresa sadly couldn’t make it, but we had a wonderful time! again, there was dancing, there was singing, there was drinking, there was cooking, there was eating, and there was a LOT of driving. … phyllis! you and i tore up the dance floor in portland, maine (of all places!)! ana sisi good-time chaivo! phillo, you are such a wonderful person! i absolutely admire how in one moment you stand in your suit as the winner of multiple awards from harvard, mit, yale, you name it, and in the next you are in your grills and heels showing folks how to get down on the dance floor, and in another moment in your pjs on a facetime with me while we cry and pray together. you are just such a real one, someone i know i can turn to regardless of the season! anyhoo… we had such a great weekend in maine, one i am so grateful to have been a part of.

as you may have guessed, after the bachelor party came the wedding in june! and once more, we sang, we danced, we ate, we drank, but we didn’t cook this time around! congratulations, joe and muriel! may your marriage be filled with the warmth and kindness that you each radiate ❤

other may/june things… i met a boy in may, cut things off in june. july came and passed, i carried on with my running and my evening park-time tradition, and i was in a really good work-life balance. until something (idk what) happened, and the balance seemed to fall apart all at once, haha. that must have been early august, and sadly i feel like like eight months later i am still in that no work-life balance space.

nonetheless, august came, and there was another wedding which took me to detroit, michigan! anthony and subrina tied the knot in a very beautiful ceremony, after which we sang, we danced, we ate, we drank, and we truly were merry. anthony, when you introduced me to subrina, i must say it was obvious! i think i texted you soon after that day we hung out and said, “i think she’s the one.” i am incredbly excited for the life you have started together, and i am so so excited for what God is baking and brewing for you two!

cheers to my newly wed friends, joe & muriel, anthony & subrina! anthony and joe, i am so grateful for your friendship and it is so special that we got to see each other so many times over such joyous occasions this past summer. both your wives are such incredible people, and now that you’re all in new york (for the time being), we must paint the town red sometime soon! also… both brides at the weddings were super close to their sisters, who also served as the maids of honour, and their speeches had me choking up– absolutely beautiful! sisters are wonderful!

here are a few other moments from the summer:

fall

september, october, and november came and passed. one of my best friends, theresa, moved back to zimbabwe, which was quite sad for me, but thank God for mutual friends who get married because i got to see theresa again at naima’s wedding in kenya!! (yes, 28 was the age of weddings – if you’d told 18-year-old me that 28 would be the age of weddings, she would have bet all $33 she had to her name that one of them would be hers LOL.)

but before that, here are some pictures from the fall:

winter

theresa and i travelled to mombasa in december for naima and habib’s wedding and omg, i do not exagerrate when i say naima, in her traditional muslim gown, was the most gorgeous bride i have ever seen. my jaw was literally on the floor. i will share a picture, but i tell you, even this does not do her justice.

so, again, we sang, we danced, and we were merry – i may or may not have rapped the ludacris’ part in justin bieber’s “baby.” the wedding was spread over two days, and much to my surprise, both days were women-only. i.e., no men were in attendance, nor did they have a separate celebration. both days were just us girls having a blast, dressed to the nines, and celebrating naima and habib. guys, i danced so much at the wedding i could actually have had a heat stroke! the decor on both days was gorgeous, the vibes were immaculate, and we ate until we could eat no more. thank you, naima, for inviting me and theresa to be a part of your special day(s)! we had such a wonderful time, your family treated us with such warmth and care, like they’d known us since birth. yes, african hospitality is a thing, and we love it and are proud of it, but your family went above and beyond for us, so thank you so so much. congratulations to you and habib!!! may your marriage be filled with love, laughter and joy <3.

if you ever decide to get henna, here are a few tips from my single experience with it (so take my advice with a grain of salt):

• get it at least 2 days before the big day (if one exists). it takes a few days for it to sharpen so you can clearly see the pattern you got
• while black henna lasts longer than red henna, there is a real chance of an allergic reaction with black henna because it’s not real henna – it’s just diluted hair dye. i know this now, because i had a terrible reaction to it which i am still dealing with more than 4 months later. beyond expensive skin care and scars that’ll last years, i can never dye my hair now, and getting tattoos is off the table, as i have now been sensitised and any future allergic reactions will be worse.

so let my henna story be a cautionary tale to stick to red henna (and confirm with your henna artist what they put in their henna mixture before applying it, regardless of colour).

back to wedding pics:

theresa and i arrived in mombasa a few days before the wedding to give ourselves the chance to explore the city a bit, and explore we did! we went to a wildlife sanctuary where we (and by we i mean i because my dear theresa has a crippling fear of birds) got to touch an ostrich (!!! can you believe that!?)

we got to get really close to some giraffes! and we meet this gorgeous, dark-skinned giraffe names furahi, and his sweetheart, louis:

we went to the beach, tried fresh coconut water (that is some disgusting stuff right there), and theresa swam in the indian ocean. i kept to the beach because the water is not for me..

we also learned about sex tourism and how prevalent that is in some areas, mombasa included – not great.

as girls do, we went shopping, and i got my hair and nails done! getting hair done in kenya is much cheaper than getting it done in zim, but the opposite is true for nails. so it evened out, but the cost of those nails shocked me! we also got to know two of naima’s friends and loved them: sharon and sylvia! so fun! they are in the pics above.

after the wedding theresa and i headed back home to zimbabwe. at this point i’m gonna give another shout out, this time to theresa, because girl… you are family! i am so grateful for how casually you will come and spend time with my whole family in harare, how you don’t think twice when i ask you to come spend a weekend with me and my cousins at their house, or to take a vacation with me and my family. theresa, you are actually my sister and i am just so grateful for you. you are a star!

anyhoo… i spent christmas at home in harare and some cousins travelled so we could be together. we ate, we drank, we sang, we prayed, we danced, we cooked, and we had a blast. my family is the best, shem. i got to spend time with two of my absolute favourite humans, my sister’s kids mutsa and rudo. crazy that i absolutely cannot call them babies anymore because they are not. where does the time go??

from zim i headed to the uk – my niece, melissa, was having a 6th birthday party. she’d asked me to come but i hadn’t told her i would, and so i planned to surprise her when i showed up at her party! in order to not ruin the surprise, i spent the first few days at a different cousin’ house where i got to spend time with more of my favourite people: my four nieces and nephews. nolan is a big boy now, so while we got to chat and bond, he’s getting too cool for my antiques. the twin boys i adore, and they’re still pretty much babies, so i had a blast walking them to school and just snuggling with them (one more than the other – ethan isn’t really into the snuggles, nathan loves them). and then there’s little miss michelle who stands proud and strong at three-years old. the last time i was in the uk she wasn’t too hot on me, but this time around she was stuck to my hip. she’s so chatty and playful and i just adore her. she’s the little boss of the house, keeps her big brothers in check!

i just want to pause to acknowledge why i do these birthday posts — my post started with me pretty much stating how tough age 28 has been/was, but as i write this post and go over the year that has been, i am reminded of how real (and abundant) those times of joy were. yes, the year was still tough, but i am remembering so many good things that happened that i had forgotten! the negativity bias is so real – it is human to remember the hard things so vividly even when they are outnumbered by the good times.

anyhoo, the day of melissa’s party arrived and there was more eating, drinking, singing, and dancing, although this time around it was very clearly a party for kids, because while all the kids were having a blast doing their kid things, all the adults were just wallflowers chatting with other adults and trying to “get” this new music haha. after the kids party in the afternoon, us adults went home and carried on the party there. as is true of a real zimbabwean party, takaita braai. haa, we ate guys, and we danced. like i said, my family is number 1. we know how to keep each others’ spirits up.

spring

my trip to the uk was pretty short, so i headed back to the us and dove straight back into my dissertation work, and thats pretty much all i’ve been doing for the last three months. i convened my dissertation committee to meet for the first time in january (i can’t believe i have a dissertation committee… like, didn’t i just start the program yesterday??) and we’ve met a few times since. some of those meetings have been better than others, some have been… challenging…. to say the least. year 4 of the phd has by far been the toughest for me mentally and emotionally, but i am pushing through. the level of uncertaintly inherent in research is something that i am still getting used to. i am realising how terrible i am at dealing with it – both uncertainty in the research itself and in what the future holds for me career-wise. but the key here is to keep learning, learning myself and learning ways to handle myself and my emotions/responses when things are so uncertain. i am learning to trust God more and more, even when i doubt, and i doubt a lot. God-willing, this time next year i will be a much happier and far less anxious person with a good deal less uncertainty about a few things.

here are some scenes from the spring:

i haven’t travelled much this semester besides going for two conferences in new york city this month. i also haven’t been dating much, but that does tend to be a summer thing for me. i had 2 lovely dates with someone in feb but decided to keep it at that. i went on a first date this past week and it was good. while i haven’t travelled much myself, i have been so blessed to have friends visit instead! muriel was in philly in february and her, sam and i got brunch together. nardos came to visit in march and i spent a whole morning and afternoon with her. we had brunch with sam (again, sam impressing us with his chef skills) and then the two of us just gallavanted around the city for a bit. we opened up to each other about the challenges of phd life. i am so grateful for nardos because she is one person i always feel comfortable enough with to be completely and truly vulnerable. thank you, nardie, for just being that home and refuge for me – you show up and all my walls fall. i feel at ease being completely open and honest with you. so yeah, nardie and i had a great day! and then eric visited me the following weekend. his family was also around. it was nice to spend time with them and get to know them a bit. i hadn’t seen eric in a hot minute so it was great to spend the whole day with him. i’d seen his brother around for a while back when eric and i were both pre-docs at yale, yet i never had a single conversation with him, so it was nice to actually talk! ropa visited philly this past weekend and i somehow missed her text and i have been kicking myself over it since. i’ll catch her next time!

what’s next?

year 29 is going to be cool, i think – a year of transitions and a few firsts. i will be doing the 10-mile broad street run again in a few days. i doubt i’ll beat my time from 2024 (~1h 50m 47s), but my goal is just to finish without feeling destroyed, which i felt the last time, so i’m trying to change that. it’ll be a super bonus if i can finish the race in under 2 hours, but i’m not expecting it. i will be running my first half marathon in november, and i’m going to try coerce some people to come to philly to celebrate that with me. if you’re reading this, you’re probably exactly the kind of person i will be reaching out to do that, so provided you are in the u.s. and somewhat close to the east coast, consider yourself forewarned (and invited)! i will also be going on the job market this year (God-willing), which will put me on track to get my first “real” job by this time next year, haha. but please pray for me because the job market is no joke, and with all the funding cuts across universities, concerns with hiring foreign students, and just the good old competitiveness inherent in the job market, i need the prayers. so yeah, those are some of the things i am looking forward to in year 29. other things…

a bit more on my running journey…

… seeing as this is a big time sink for me: after i’m done with the broad street run this coming weekend, i’m going to fully transition to zone 2 training, and i am quite excited for that. the idea is to keep at least 80% of your runs within a certain, fairly low heart rate in order to build your aerobic base. the goal is that over time you’ll be able to run faster with less cardio-respiratory effort. i have already started doing this as part of my training for the broad st run, but just haven’t been super strict with it. it honestly requires humility! my only rule since i started my running journey has been to never walk, even if it means i go so slowly that i might as well be walking, i do not walk on my runs. but the zone 2 training doesn’t care about my rule! a lot of times my heart rate will spike so quickly while on my runs that the only way to bring it back down to zone 2 is by walking! #humbled. but over time this will change, and i’ve noticed it start to change already, so that i can run a good distance without needing to walk and still keep my heart rate in check. i recently did a 5k race where i tried to keep my heart rate in check without necessarily keeping it within zone 2, and it went well. i’m excited to keep the training up.

i’m going to significantly drop my running mileage over the summer because let’s be honest, it’ll be hot out there, i’ll and divert some of that time to strength training because its been a minute and i know i have regressed significantly in that department.

family!

it’s been an exciting and challenging year for our family on multiple fronts, but altogether grateful for the way we continue to see God’s hand. again, lots of “look at God” moments. i just wanna celebrate my niece and nephew, zach and zoey who turned 1 a few days ago… guys these kids are so cute! and so fun! they gave me my first real case of baby fever a few months ago when i got to hold and play with them. and you’ve never seen kids with bigger eyes than my brother and sister-in-love’s babies. i’m pretty sure those genes are coming from my sister-in-love’s side of the family and they are absolutely to die for: gorgeous babies, y’all! so happy birthday zach and zoey, and makorokoto pk and tendi! little ropa’s birthday is also coming up soon, so happy early birthday to my spunky little niece! that girl’s spirit just makes me smile!

mutsa and rudo are thriving back in zimbabwe! they love being close to their cousins, maita, matipa, and the twin babies. they have become such big girls – very opinionated and trying to be independent at the ripe age of 8. one of my favourite things about them is that if you have a phone call with them and try to do the whole polite thing of starting your goodbyes, hinting that you’ll want to hang up soon, they’ll take the hint literally and hang up immediately. i have been left talking to myself on the phone one too many times.

just pictures!

here are a few more pictures from the year that was:

if you’ve read this far, i’m impressed… surely this means i’ll see you in philly in november when you come support me in my half marathon!

there are so so many people whom i love and who are in my support network that i have not mentioned. if you are one of them, hear me when i say i am so so grateful for you. nardos, phyllis, joe, theresa, grace, vishrut, chisom, roy (dude we must visit soon!), mom, dad, matida, sarah, mhamha pipi, tate mupfayi, shami, auby, sheu, chido, pk, tendie, columbus, … the list goes on and on! i appreciate you all and thank you for being in my life.

cheers to my final year in my 20s!