phdlife – CANDID SHAR'N

birthday check in: so how was being 28?

April 29, 2026 QueenJoy

umm… let’s not do that again.

but seriously, tho… while 28 was filled with so many moments of great joy, it always was burdened with fear and anxiety around what the future holds in terms of my academic/professional life, and unfortunately the latter still continues. while i think this has easily been the toughest year of my life to date, as i said, there were also moments of joy and lots of moments where all i could say was “look at God!” so let’s dive in!

birthday!

age 28 did not start with my traditional birthday brunch. rather, i spent my first day as a 28-year-old between the national i.d. office (yes, kuzvitupa) and the passport office in harare – what a birthday! but that meant i spent my birthday in zimbabwe, my first birthday at home in 9 years! it was an up and down day, from car battery issues and parking “tickets” which almost got my mom arrested (and yes, i’m a wimp, i cried), to being pleasantly surprised that you no longer have to arrive at 5AM and spend all day at the passport office (praise God!). at the end of the day my mom got me a cake, my family sang for me, and it was altogether not a bad day. not a bad day at all.

seeing as this was my first birthday at home since i was a teenager, i wanted to make it special. i was also about to turn 28, the age i had been looking forward to for a long long time. so, i decided i’d throw a small party with my family (a few days after my actual birthday). but if you are african, or more precisely, if you have an african mother, then you know that “small party” is an oxymoron. my “let-me-gather-ten-to-fifteen-people-and-spend-X-dollars” party turned into a “welp-the-guest-list-is-now-so-big-we-must-hire-chairs-from-somewhere-and-triple-the-budget” party… i should have known – that’s on me for not anticipating the inevitable. nonetheless, i was so so happy to have all the people who came to my party there. there was singing, there was praying, there was dancing, there was cooking, and there was eating. my family travelled from many towns away in zimbabwe just to come and celebrate me, and my heart was so full. so, to everyone who showed up to celebrate me and with me, thank you. i know being there was a sacrifice for many – Mwari angaakukomborerei awedzera pamakabvisa, akuonei munezvese zvamunokumbira muzita rake <3.

05.03 so many holes on the cake because i insisted on having 28 candles. yes, lighting them all before the rest burned out was hilarious. cake also courtesy of Glorious Delights. it was the softest red velvet cake i have ever had. i still think about it sometimes haha.

05.03 mai kwezeya doing her thing just keeping everyone on their toes laughing

05.03 tadi, vuyi, and auntie norah. vuyi and i went to primary school together. she was grade 1 when i was her head girl (grade 7) way back!

05.03 with mavie, in my birthday gift from mavie

while i love being home and throwing a party (i truly love bringing people together, nothing brings me greater joy), this was not in fact the reason for my trip home. my trip was necessiated by the fact that i needed to renew my passport, and seeing as a specific man i absolutely adore and who shall remain unnamed (uhhumm… dad) had insisted i leave my national id with him (a necessary part of the passport application) because he feared i’d lose it (again) and had proceeded to lose it himself (and completely forget that i’d given it to him at all), i had to travel back to zim to get a new id so i could get a new passport. tbh, i was not thrilled about having to spend copious amounts of money to go and get a new piece of plastic in zimbabwe, but i was happy to be home. for those who keep up with u.s. news, you’ll know that last spring was not a great time for international students to travel. many were being refused re-entry at the boarder and even more had their visas revoked and were being deported from the u.s. consequently, i was really on edge leaving the u.s. at the time. but i couldn’t put off the trip.

so, i went home. i got my id, i got my passport, and while i was there i also decided to renew my u.s. visa. …enter my biggest “look at God” moment for the year… little did i know that a few weeks after i renewed by visa, the u.s. would change the validity period of visas from two years to three months, but the new rule would not apply retrospectively to visas that had already been issued! phew! little did i also know, that the u.s. would, at the same time, close the u.s. embassy in harare’s visa processing unit and require all zimbabwean applicants to apply for their visas from south africa. little did i also know that the u.s. would stop issuing new visas to most zimbabweans, myself included, effectively placing a travel ban on anyone who didn’t already hold a valid visa. honestly, this was such a huge “look at God” trip for me, because if i (my dad) had not lost my id, i would not have had to go home, and if i hadn’t gone home i would not have renewed my visa at that exact time, and if i hadn’t renewed it then, i had no plans to renew it any other time in the near future, which would have completely restricted my ability to go on the job market this year as i could only apply for jobs in the u.s. as foreign interviews would have proven to be a challenge, if not impossible. so i am so so grateful. thank you, dad, for losing my id. in the future, i will not get mad if you lose anything that is mine. i will choose to trust that its a “look at God” moment that i just don’t have the perspective to see yet.

05.09 visit to the AfriCan center in chitungwiza. shout out to dr arthur gwagwa who is doing incredible things for the kids in this community

anyhoo… the rest of my trip in zimbabwe was really good! i missed my girls mutsa, rudo, and chido who were still in the uk at the time, but overall had a good time.

05.13 when my clan showed up in full force to the airport. y’all, my 92yo grandma got up, picked up her walking stick, and accompanied me to the airport.

summer

i got back to the u.s. mid-may, new i.d., passport, and visa in hand, and thank God i had no issues at all with border control – just smooth sailing :)! but as soon as i got back to the u.s., the heat was on (literally and metaphorically). i needed to come up with a dissertation topic as soon as yesterday and the clock was ticking. at this point i want to give a huge shout out to my primary advisor, chris ittner, who has so selflessly spent hours and hours on a *weekly* basis with me, helping me brainstorm and think through my dissertation. it has not always been smooth sailing, and our wires have sometimes gotten crossed in not-great ways, but i am so so grateful for his guidance and mentorship. anyhoo… so, may came along and i continued my dissertation search. i eventually landed on something in june, but as these things go, the project has evolved immensely since then and it continues to evolve.

i also got back on my regular running schedule once i was back in philly and added a new routine: i would work pretty much everyday starting at 8am, but at 6pm it was park time. i would pick up my novel, grab my picnic blanket and head out for a walk and spend time in one of the parks in philly reading my book, people watching, or both. on one of my people watching days i got to witness a wedding on a wednesday evening in the park!

here are a few pics from may:

05.27 traditional “last day of school” pic w jeffrey and cindy. 3 years done, 2 to go!

05.22 annual end of year party hosted by jeffrey

i took a trip to new haven for the yale accounting conference where i got to catch up with some folks and listen to some really smart people present their pretty cool research. i love being in new haven as it gives me a chance to catch up with some of my friends who still live there. the conference was also pretty well timed because it was the same weekend as my fifth college reunion (which i honestly had no interest in attending given we had just had our make-up graduation three years prior). so rather than actually attend reunion, i just wandered around campus after the conference a little and surely enough i ran into some folks i knew and hadn’t seen in a minute. then, as is my tradition, i rushed to arethusa to buy myself a pint of ice cream then got back on my train to philly.

05.30 new haven brunch w eric and jose at the pantry

05.30 ran into caleb who was in town for reunion

05.30 then ran into nadia who was also in town for reunion. i got to know nadia really well during our pandemic time together in new haven

then came the season of joe’s wedding!!! and i am very proud (and feel super cool) to share that i was invited to the bachelor party! yes, you read that right! joe is so lovely he invited me, phyllis, theresa, and nardos to join him and the boys for the bachelor party – a weekend trip to portland maine at the end of may. theresa sadly couldn’t make it, but we had a wonderful time! again, there was dancing, there was singing, there was drinking, there was cooking, there was eating, and there was a LOT of driving. … phyllis! you and i tore up the dance floor in portland, maine (of all places!)! ana sisi good-time chaivo! phillo, you are such a wonderful person! i absolutely admire how in one moment you stand in your suit as the winner of multiple awards from harvard, mit, yale, you name it, and in the next you are in your grills and heels showing folks how to get down on the dance floor, and in another moment in your pjs on a facetime with me while we cry and pray together. you are just such a real one, someone i know i can turn to regardless of the season! anyhoo… we had such a great weekend in maine, one i am so grateful to have been a part of.

06.13 first night of the bachelor party – amazing food by chef sam!

06.14 on the ferry from peak’s island back to mainland portland

05.14 karaoke night! best karaoke experience i’ve had to date. that bar was alive!!

06.14 out on the town as phyllis and i were about to break. it. down.

06.15 at fort williams for lunch and vibes. the other boys played frisbee while we (the girls and andrew) took a walk around the place and went to see the lighthouse

06.15 lobster rolling at fort williams. ngl, i think they’re overrated.

as you may have guessed, after the bachelor party came the wedding in june! and once more, we sang, we danced, we ate, we drank, but we didn’t cook this time around! congratulations, joe and muriel! may your marriage be filled with the warmth and kindness that you each radiate ❤

other may/june things… i met a boy in may, cut things off in june. july came and passed, i carried on with my running and my evening park-time tradition, and i was in a really good work-life balance. until something (idk what) happened, and the balance seemed to fall apart all at once, haha. that must have been early august, and sadly i feel like like eight months later i am still in that no work-life balance space.

nonetheless, august came, and there was another wedding which took me to detroit, michigan! anthony and subrina tied the knot in a very beautiful ceremony, after which we sang, we danced, we ate, we drank, and we truly were merry. anthony, when you introduced me to subrina, i must say it was obvious! i think i texted you soon after that day we hung out and said, “i think she’s the one.” i am incredbly excited for the life you have started together, and i am so so excited for what God is baking and brewing for you two!

08.16 sadly didn’t get lots of pics with friends at anthony and subrina’s wedding, but here’s one from the reception venue!

cheers to my newly wed friends, joe & muriel, anthony & subrina! anthony and joe, i am so grateful for your friendship and it is so special that we got to see each other so many times over such joyous occasions this past summer. both your wives are such incredible people, and now that you’re all in new york (for the time being), we must paint the town red sometime soon! also… both brides at the weddings were super close to their sisters, who also served as the maids of honour, and their speeches had me choking up– absolutely beautiful! sisters are wonderful!

here are a few other moments from the summer:

06.27 reminiscing on high school days – i did the white flower + coloured food dye thing and the experiment was, as it was 10 years ago at the pink prison, a success

07.18 lunch w audrey! audrey and i were in living water, my college a cappella group, together 8 years ago

08/08 chilling with chisom’s kitties. the grey one is tuesday. i loved and miss him. he was the purrfect cat. so so cute.

fall

september, october, and november came and passed. one of my best friends, theresa, moved back to zimbabwe, which was quite sad for me, but thank God for mutual friends who get married because i got to see theresa again at naima’s wedding in kenya!! (yes, 28 was the age of weddings – if you’d told 18-year-old me that 28 would be the age of weddings, she would have bet all $33 she had to her name that one of them would be hers LOL.)

but before that, here are some pictures from the fall:

09.12 acct phriends welcome back party hosted by allan!

09.15 traditional first day of school photo!

12.06 trip to longwood gardens with my church’s “youth group.” this place is absolutely breathtaking. definitely a must see if if you ever visit pennsylvania.

12.08 department holiday party! also the day that cindy and i presented our dissertation proposals!

winter

theresa and i travelled to mombasa in december for naima and habib’s wedding and omg, i do not exagerrate when i say naima, in her traditional muslim gown, was the most gorgeous bride i have ever seen. my jaw was literally on the floor. i will share a picture, but i tell you, even this does not do her justice.

12.20 like guys… jaw on the floor… imagine being habib and staring at this person knowing this is who you get to spend the rest of your life next to… bruh!

so, again, we sang, we danced, and we were merry – i may or may not have rapped the ludacris’ part in justin bieber’s “baby.” the wedding was spread over two days, and much to my surprise, both days were women-only. i.e., no men were in attendance, nor did they have a separate celebration. both days were just us girls having a blast, dressed to the nines, and celebrating naima and habib. guys, i danced so much at the wedding i could actually have had a heat stroke! the decor on both days was gorgeous, the vibes were immaculate, and we ate until we could eat no more. thank you, naima, for inviting me and theresa to be a part of your special day(s)! we had such a wonderful time, your family treated us with such warmth and care, like they’d known us since birth. yes, african hospitality is a thing, and we love it and are proud of it, but your family went above and beyond for us, so thank you so so much. congratulations to you and habib!!! may your marriage be filled with love, laughter and joy <3.

12.20 pre-wedding elevator fit check with my girl

12.20 myself, sylvia, sharon, and theresa arriving at day 1 wedding venue. mombasa is hot and humid y’all, and as none of us were mombasa natives, we were barely surviving in these frocks

12.19 close up of one arm of my henna the day i got it done. in the mirror you’ll see my legs are also henna’d up! the you could see the pattern perfectly a few days after it was applied.

12.20 bride and groom + the “america” convoy

12.20 wedding reunion! mercy and i were at yale together for undergrad. ian, also a fellow yalie, was also at the wedding but he didn’t stick around long since, well, he’s a man, and so we didn’t get a chance to take a picture

12.21 group henna check! we got breakfast on day 2 of the wedding with naima, habib, and the squad – myself, theresa, sylvia, sylvia’s boo, and sharon. yes, the boys were there too, haha. spot the bride!

if you ever decide to get henna, here are a few tips from my single experience with it (so take my advice with a grain of salt):

get it at least 2 days before the big day (if one exists). it takes a few days for it to sharpen so you can clearly see the pattern you got
while black henna lasts longer than red henna, there is a real chance of an allergic reaction with black henna because it’s not real henna – it’s just diluted hair dye. i know this now, because i had a terrible reaction to it which i am still dealing with more than 4 months later. beyond expensive skin care and scars that’ll last years, i can never dye my hair now, and getting tattoos is off the table, as i have now been sensitised and any future allergic reactions will be worse.

so let my henna story be a cautionary tale to stick to red henna (and confirm with your henna artist what they put in their henna mixture before applying it, regardless of colour).

back to wedding pics:

12.21 wedding day 2 with the bride and groom

12.21 when i say i almost had a heat stroke, this is what i mean. i don’t normally sweat, but look at what dancing my butt off in mombasa did to me

12.21 vibing with naima’s friends and family from home!

theresa and i arrived in mombasa a few days before the wedding to give ourselves the chance to explore the city a bit, and explore we did! we went to a wildlife sanctuary where we (and by we i mean i because my dear theresa has a crippling fear of birds) got to touch an ostrich (!!! can you believe that!?)

12.17 i tried to pull theresa closer to the birds… this is the best i could do

we got to get really close to some giraffes! and we meet this gorgeous, dark-skinned giraffe names furahi, and his sweetheart, louis:

12.17 out tour guide was named katana (after the sword), and he was hilarious y’all! best tour guide ever. we were laughing the whole time.

we went to the beach, tried fresh coconut water (that is some disgusting stuff right there), and theresa swam in the indian ocean. i kept to the beach because the water is not for me..

12.17 after spending what we later learned to be way too much money on a coconut which we absolutely hated. gotta love being a tourist.

12.18 at forodhani – the random restaurant we chose for lunch but which turned out to actually be a travel influencer spot because it is gorgeous!

12.18 my forodhani date. we’d spent a good amount of the morning walking through downtown mombasa and at marikiti, the spice market

we also learned about sex tourism and how prevalent that is in some areas, mombasa included – not great.

as girls do, we went shopping, and i got my hair and nails done! getting hair done in kenya is much cheaper than getting it done in zim, but the opposite is true for nails. so it evened out, but the cost of those nails shocked me! we also got to know two of naima’s friends and loved them: sharon and sylvia! so fun! they are in the pics above.

after the wedding theresa and i headed back home to zimbabwe. at this point i’m gonna give another shout out, this time to theresa, because girl… you are family! i am so grateful for how casually you will come and spend time with my whole family in harare, how you don’t think twice when i ask you to come spend a weekend with me and my cousins at their house, or to take a vacation with me and my family. theresa, you are actually my sister and i am just so grateful for you. you are a star!

anyhoo… i spent christmas at home in harare and some cousins travelled so we could be together. we ate, we drank, we sang, we prayed, we danced, we cooked, and we had a blast. my family is the best, shem. i got to spend time with two of my absolute favourite humans, my sister’s kids mutsa and rudo. crazy that i absolutely cannot call them babies anymore because they are not. where does the time go??

12.25 the christmas squad… if you’ve spent a good amount of time with me, you know i love to laugh. this is where i get that from.

12.22 meeting zach and zoey for the first time!

12.28 (sigh) the day my henna woes truly began… 9 days after application, despite some of it fading already. this was just the beginning of an unfortunate saga.

01.06 my airport entourage! mutsa, matipa, rudo, and maita.

from zim i headed to the uk – my niece, melissa, was having a 6th birthday party. she’d asked me to come but i hadn’t told her i would, and so i planned to surprise her when i showed up at her party! in order to not ruin the surprise, i spent the first few days at a different cousin’ house where i got to spend time with more of my favourite people: my four nieces and nephews. nolan is a big boy now, so while we got to chat and bond, he’s getting too cool for my antiques. the twin boys i adore, and they’re still pretty much babies, so i had a blast walking them to school and just snuggling with them (one more than the other – ethan isn’t really into the snuggles, nathan loves them). and then there’s little miss michelle who stands proud and strong at three-years old. the last time i was in the uk she wasn’t too hot on me, but this time around she was stuck to my hip. she’s so chatty and playful and i just adore her. she’s the little boss of the house, keeps her big brothers in check!

i just want to pause to acknowledge why i do these birthday posts — my post started with me pretty much stating how tough age 28 has been/was, but as i write this post and go over the year that has been, i am reminded of how real (and abundant) those times of joy were. yes, the year was still tough, but i am remembering so many good things that happened that i had forgotten! the negativity bias is so real – it is human to remember the hard things so vividly even when they are outnumbered by the good times.

anyhoo, the day of melissa’s party arrived and there was more eating, drinking, singing, and dancing, although this time around it was very clearly a party for kids, because while all the kids were having a blast doing their kid things, all the adults were just wallflowers chatting with other adults and trying to “get” this new music haha. after the kids party in the afternoon, us adults went home and carried on the party there. as is true of a real zimbabwean party, takaita braai. haa, we ate guys, and we danced. like i said, my family is number 1. we know how to keep each others’ spirits up.

01.10 me, michelle, and mhamha pipi (my little cousin sister)

01.10 me and my baby nathan. nathan and ethan are the second set of twins in our family (we have three) – they are the only identical ones.

01.10 with the birthday girl, her dad, and her cousin brother. i was (shamelessly) the only adult to get their face painted!

01.10 gogo mash and five or her six grandbabies. gogo mash is my mom’s big sister

01.10 little miss michelle – the one i finally won over. she held on to that handbag for dear life! her mommy says that michelle reminds her a lot of me when i was her age.

01.10 michelle, her big brother nolan (muzukuru mukuru waana mai vedu), and their dad (our first husband)

01.15 saying goodbye to mhamha pipi after forcing her to stick around and hang with me longer than she’d originally planned. i love you, girlie

spring

my trip to the uk was pretty short, so i headed back to the us and dove straight back into my dissertation work, and thats pretty much all i’ve been doing for the last three months. i convened my dissertation committee to meet for the first time in january (i can’t believe i have a dissertation committee… like, didn’t i just start the program yesterday??) and we’ve met a few times since. some of those meetings have been better than others, some have been… challenging…. to say the least. year 4 of the phd has by far been the toughest for me mentally and emotionally, but i am pushing through. the level of uncertaintly inherent in research is something that i am still getting used to. i am realising how terrible i am at dealing with it – both uncertainty in the research itself and in what the future holds for me career-wise. but the key here is to keep learning, learning myself and learning ways to handle myself and my emotions/responses when things are so uncertain. i am learning to trust God more and more, even when i doubt, and i doubt a lot. God-willing, this time next year i will be a much happier and far less anxious person with a good deal less uncertainty about a few things.

here are some scenes from the spring:

01.22 evening walks with grace! shout out to this girl for helping me stay sane during this phd program, especially as i have been kinda spiralling over the last year. grace is one of the smartest people i have ever met yet also one of the most thoughtful. the world needs more people like grace.

01.30 that time grace hosted us for a fancy dinner party but my jumpsuit said “enough!” halfway through the event. thank you, sese, for coming to my rescue…

01.30 i think sese’s has a real future on the runway if you ask me

01.30 some of my fellow mates on the phd battlefield! vishrut, grace, and sese! super grateful for these folks. missing in this picture is chisom who has been such a breath of fresh air this last year. chisom and i get together every so often to watch love is blind or yellowstone and always use that time to just check in on each other and be vulnerable while also watching light entertainment!

02.03 penn community choir concert. my church pastor, pastor meagan, is the blonde lady in front. i sat next to my church bff, 7-year-old anna, while her mommy was up performing. anna’s mommy is the taller blonde lady in the back row.

03.28 the day titilayo surprised me with an unplanned visit! i hadn’t seen this beautiful soul since our make-up graduation in 2022, nearly four years ago. titi is in med school and recently matched – she’s a doctor y’all 🎉

i haven’t travelled much this semester besides going for two conferences in new york city this month. i also haven’t been dating much, but that does tend to be a summer thing for me. i had 2 lovely dates with someone in feb but decided to keep it at that. i went on a first date this past week and it was good. while i haven’t travelled much myself, i have been so blessed to have friends visit instead! muriel was in philly in february and her, sam and i got brunch together. nardos came to visit in march and i spent a whole morning and afternoon with her. we had brunch with sam (again, sam impressing us with his chef skills) and then the two of us just gallavanted around the city for a bit. we opened up to each other about the challenges of phd life. i am so grateful for nardos because she is one person i always feel comfortable enough with to be completely and truly vulnerable. thank you, nardie, for just being that home and refuge for me – you show up and all my walls fall. i feel at ease being completely open and honest with you. so yeah, nardie and i had a great day! and then eric visited me the following weekend. his family was also around. it was nice to spend time with them and get to know them a bit. i hadn’t seen eric in a hot minute so it was great to spend the whole day with him. i’d seen his brother around for a while back when eric and i were both pre-docs at yale, yet i never had a single conversation with him, so it was nice to actually talk! ropa visited philly this past weekend and i somehow missed her text and i have been kicking myself over it since. i’ll catch her next time!

what’s next?

year 29 is going to be cool, i think – a year of transitions and a few firsts. i will be doing the 10-mile broad street run again in a few days. i doubt i’ll beat my time from 2024 (~1h 50m 47s), but my goal is just to finish without feeling destroyed, which i felt the last time, so i’m trying to change that. it’ll be a super bonus if i can finish the race in under 2 hours, but i’m not expecting it. i will be running my first half marathon in november, and i’m going to try coerce some people to come to philly to celebrate that with me. if you’re reading this, you’re probably exactly the kind of person i will be reaching out to do that, so provided you are in the u.s. and somewhat close to the east coast, consider yourself forewarned (and invited)! i will also be going on the job market this year (God-willing), which will put me on track to get my first “real” job by this time next year, haha. but please pray for me because the job market is no joke, and with all the funding cuts across universities, concerns with hiring foreign students, and just the good old competitiveness inherent in the job market, i need the prayers. so yeah, those are some of the things i am looking forward to in year 29. other things…

a bit more on my running journey…

… seeing as this is a big time sink for me: after i’m done with the broad street run this coming weekend, i’m going to fully transition to zone 2 training, and i am quite excited for that. the idea is to keep at least 80% of your runs within a certain, fairly low heart rate in order to build your aerobic base. the goal is that over time you’ll be able to run faster with less cardio-respiratory effort. i have already started doing this as part of my training for the broad st run, but just haven’t been super strict with it. it honestly requires humility! my only rule since i started my running journey has been to never walk, even if it means i go so slowly that i might as well be walking, i do not walk on my runs. but the zone 2 training doesn’t care about my rule! a lot of times my heart rate will spike so quickly while on my runs that the only way to bring it back down to zone 2 is by walking! #humbled. but over time this will change, and i’ve noticed it start to change already, so that i can run a good distance without needing to walk and still keep my heart rate in check. i recently did a 5k race where i tried to keep my heart rate in check without necessarily keeping it within zone 2, and it went well. i’m excited to keep the training up.

i’m going to significantly drop my running mileage over the summer because let’s be honest, it’ll be hot out there, i’ll and divert some of that time to strength training because its been a minute and i know i have regressed significantly in that department.

family!

it’s been an exciting and challenging year for our family on multiple fronts, but altogether grateful for the way we continue to see God’s hand. again, lots of “look at God” moments. i just wanna celebrate my niece and nephew, zach and zoey who turned 1 a few days ago… guys these kids are so cute! and so fun! they gave me my first real case of baby fever a few months ago when i got to hold and play with them. and you’ve never seen kids with bigger eyes than my brother and sister-in-love’s babies. i’m pretty sure those genes are coming from my sister-in-love’s side of the family and they are absolutely to die for: gorgeous babies, y’all! so happy birthday zach and zoey, and makorokoto pk and tendi! little ropa’s birthday is also coming up soon, so happy early birthday to my spunky little niece! that girl’s spirit just makes me smile!

12.22 me and four of my babies – two pairs of twins.

01.04 the day i got my first case of baby fever

01.04 and little baby boy fell asleep in my arms

01.04 while zoey just played and looked her cute self

mutsa and rudo are thriving back in zimbabwe! they love being close to their cousins, maita, matipa, and the twin babies. they have become such big girls – very opinionated and trying to be independent at the ripe age of 8. one of my favourite things about them is that if you have a phone call with them and try to do the whole polite thing of starting your goodbyes, hinting that you’ll want to hang up soon, they’ll take the hint literally and hang up immediately. i have been left talking to myself on the phone one too many times.

chido’s birthday at the chinhoyi caves with the girls and mhamha sarah

mutsa and rudo in the dark cave. hanzi “we are bats”

my brave girls. mutsa was really scared but insisted we go into the dark cave anyway. she was whispering to herself “i am strong, and i am brave” the whole time. this is us as rats in the caves!

mutsa also used to be embarrassed by her missing teeth and now she absolutely embraces them! my little stars!

just pictures!

here are a few more pictures from the year that was:

08.16 communion at anthony and subrina’s wedding

07.04 you guys… just look at this baby! look at those eyes! Tendai, thank you for bringing first yourself, and secondly these incredible genes, into our bloodline

~07.10 if there’s one thing my brother’s son can do in front of the camera…

~06.16 my brother and his clan! missing in the picture is my gorgeous sister-in-love, Tendai

01.10 me, michelle, and the uncle all the kids love – uncle tina

06.16 why are sarah’s babies so cute!? #SiblingGoals

06.20 dance floor at joe and muriel’s wedding with sam, nardie, and you can’t see her face but those are subrina’s hands 😅

07.20 meeting abraham! a fellow zimbabwean at penn – my newest little brother

08.16 just a girl taking bathroom selfies in her hotel room before heading to anthony and subrina’s wedding

~08.20 my babies in zim. but these girls are just 🥹

09.12 photoshoot with my newest pet! thanks grace for being my amazing photographer. as grace can attest, i promise diney doesn’t bite.

chido’s birthday – girls time at chinhoyi caves

mutsa and rudo living their best lives on their mom’s birthday

back in harare, celebrating my wonderful sister, chido

01.01 my sister and her babies at mbuya kwinjo’s house kwamurehwa

04.11 my most recent running achievement. i won’t lie, this run destroyed me. i ate like a horse after and proceeded to sleep for 12 hours.

if you’ve read this far, i’m impressed… surely this means i’ll see you in philly in november when you come support me in my half marathon!

there are so so many people whom i love and who are in my support network that i have not mentioned. if you are one of them, hear me when i say i am so so grateful for you. nardos, phyllis, joe, theresa, grace, vishrut, chisom, roy (dude we must visit soon!), mom, dad, matida, sarah, mhamha pipi, tate mupfayi, shami, auby, sheu, chido, pk, tendie, columbus, … the list goes on and on! i appreciate you all and thank you for being in my life.

cheers to my final year in my 20s!

birthday check-in: so how was being 27?

September 5, 2025April 27, 2026 QueenJoy

[this post is a much later than usual because well… life. but i will still write it as though i am posting it on the day i am supposed to hehe. this post is also much more disorganised than previous posts because… life. sorry :/]

“the years get shorter and the days get longer.” apparently this is what new parents say/experience, but i’d also like to suggest that the same is true for the ph.d. program. so far, in my experience, first year = best year, if only for the reason that there are little to no expectations on you. now, in my third year, what i do is admittedly more fun (research) but it also carries far more expectations, and now my whole life just revolves around it.

anyhoo… how have the last 365 days been? well… it’s been a blur of a year! so much has happened, it feels like a lifetime of events, and yet 27 just felt… right! i passed a lot of milestones in my life, i met some wonderful people, i had some great personal accomplishments. i travelled and spent time with my loved ones, and looking back, in a way i feel like i was born to be 27. that’s over now, but we can still look back! so let’s!

Celebrating 27 years of life!

the year (obviously) started off with my birthday. i took myself to urban farmer, a restaurant in the logan square area of philly, to honour my solo birthday brunch tradition and suffice it to say, i will not be going back there. well, i’ll say a little more: my server was fairly unfriendly, and the restaurant did not take apple pay, so i had to awkwardly ask to leave and come back with cash, and ofc like the total weirdo i felt like in that moment, i chose to leave my water bottle as a sign of good faith that i was coming back! in hindsight, major LOL! i also almost swallowed a bug on my way to the restaurant – i should have taken that as a bad omen and gone elsewhere! nonetheless…

me at my birthday brunch! yay to turning 27!

my birthday meal… ofc i got the lox benny!

my birthday gifts from my twin girls ❤ (these hairbands have become a daily staple for me in year #29).

the following day i got to celebrate my birthday jointly with one of my favourite penn people, my cohort mate, jeffrey! our birthdays are just two days apart so our annual discussion is always how we will handle our birthday celebration(s). i truly appreciate all my office folk for making me and everyone else feel seen on our birthdays each year – a wonderful tradition!

my mango coconut cake from paris baguette

celebrating mine and jeffrey’s birthdays in the office

i also had a second birthday celebration in the last 365 days – just a few days ago in the office since i’d be away in zim for my actual birthday. again, thanks you guys!

Running Journey

if these are the only two options then i guess i’ve chosen?

next up was the broad st run on sunday, may 5^th! this remains one of the things i am most proud of accomplishing up to this point in my life. as i discussed in my post last year, i grew up detesting running, particularly long-distance running, but after slowing down and choosing to listen to my body better, i discovered that this was an activity i could actually enjoy and at the time of last year’s post, i was training for the broad st run – a 10 mile (16km) run down a street named broad st in philly. and friends, i did it!! plus i did it faster than i could have imagined – that race day adrenaline is too real! i completed the race in what i had dubbed “Wow-how-is-that-even-possible pace”!

05.05 arriving at the race just before 8AM. the race officially starts at 07:30AM, but i knew my corral would only get going at around 8:15AM so i intentionally arrived a bit late.

05.05 pre-race picture with irina, former phd-mate, now professor at nyu ❤ an inspiration of a person!

05.05 10 miles of non-stop running later!

05.05 ofc the workout didn’t happen unless the watch recorded it!

i started training for the following year’s race (2025) early in january but then realised i’d not be around to take part this year (sadly!!). as i write this portion of the post, i am currently in transit in nairobi waiting on my connecting flight to zimbabwe which has been delayed 2 hours (but i got upgraded to business class for this last portion of my trip, so yay!). the race is in a few days, but i will still be home in zim then.

04.27 me at the airport in nairobi as i wrote this portion of the post

anyhoo… i am still running! inspired by my friend, chisom, i have recently been trying to get myself onto a regular workout schedule, which generally means running shorter distances (2-4 miles at a go) otherwise i’ll skip because either 1) i’m too tired, or 2) i don’t have the time. so far, i have been running three times a week and doing strength training twice a week. the latter has been a major help with my knee issues! i have been doing a great job this semester of going to bed and waking up early (well, earlier than before) and the new workout regime really helps!

Ph.D. Life

it honestly feels odd to dedicate a section to the ph.d. since in reality the ph.d. feels like my whole entire life. anyhoo…

less than a week after the broad st run came my prelim exam! this is a comprehensive ph.d. exam that is meant to determine whether you have acquired enough knowledge and skill to transition from being a ph.d. student, who just takes classes mostly, to a ph.d. candidate who is working towards becoming an independent thinker and researcher (y’all early may was no joke for me, haha). i took what is potentially the final exam i’ll ever need to take, and the longest (a five-day exam), and i am so so grateful to say i fully passed!! truly a huge blessing. i was so unsure about how i did that i procrastinated getting my results (by just a day) until after a planned event (phd poker night) i was looking forward to – i did not want to ruin the event for myself if it turned out that i had not done well. but praise God, all was well! i immediately changed my email signature from “ph.d. student” to “ph.d. candidate” when i got the news – i was REALLY looking forward to that!

05.16 our traditional end of the school year picture, taken a few days after we had finished taking the prelim

05.21 me at poker night, avoiding learning about my prelim results despite wayne, poker night host, knowing what they were

overall may was great, but also sad because i said goodbye to my wonderful wonderful friend, adriano, who had been a visiting ph.d. student in our department for the academic year and was heading back home to italy. yes, tears were shed at our last encounter. i miss you a lot, my friend!

05.17 me and adriano attending irina, sergey, james, and nate’s graduation

05.30 our last day together ❤ i was carrying so much food from adriano’s kitchen on my scooter ride home lol

soon after my prelim exam i started heavy preparation for the summer class i would be teaching! yes, you read that right. TEACHING! me! teaching a whole undergraduate course at Wharton as the instructor! all these kids were calling me professor kwinjo, a title i have not earned yet, and you know what? i ate it up!! while much more exhausting than i expected, it was very fulfilling and affirmed my chosen career path. i did, however, learn that i need to draw firm boundaries in protecting my time. i spent way too long in unofficial office hours with my students. nonetheless, i loved my teaching experience.

i spent the second half of the summer (and the rest of the calendar year, to be honest) playing catch up on my summer paper which i ought to have started in may, but i was teaching. i enjoyed working on the project, but it ultimately did not yield the results i was expecting, as is typical of academic research.

08.28 jeffrey, cindy, and i’s traditional first day of school picture

i do not look back particularly fondly at the fall semester, unfortunately. while i enjoyed working on my summer paper, i did get started on it late (late june rather than may) due to my teaching commitments, and even after i got started on it, the results i found did not match my prior expectations, which felt like a punch to the gut. that semester was honestly tough. there were nights i pulled all-nighters, multiple instances where i went days on end without directly interacting with another human being, i cried many many times, sometimes out of stress and frustration, other times because i just needed to let pent up emotions out, i had conversations with some people which i think were meant to be constructive but only instilled in me a strong sense of self-doubt, something i am still working through, etc. etc. etc.. all this to say, not a great semester. i was incredibly stressed, and while the presentation ultimately went well (praise God), unfortunately, the future of the project remains uncertain.

Family

as summer was nearing its end, i spent three weeks in august in canada with some of my fav people – my two nieces, my sisters-in-love, my brother and friends! i also had the joy to form some new friendships while there and it was just a fun time! we hiked, we ran, we ate, we drank, we danced, we played, we sang, etc. etc. etc. i worked, haha.

04.03 trip to cape spear! someone from nl correct me if i spelt that wrong… ty!

08.07 the regatta was a go!! doing one of the things i love most: lying down on an empty road

i went back to the u.s. for the aforementioned tough semester, BUT, at the conclusion of it, after i presented my paper and the semester ended, i had the joy of travelling to the uk to be with even more people i love! this time, i stayed at sheu and tate’s house with their babies mels and boss mike – i had a wonderful time! the four of them are phenomenal hosts. 5/5-star superhosts, if they were on airbnb.

i also got to spend a few nights at my sister’s house with her kids and just bond more with the girls.

we celebrated christmas at tate and sheu’s with all the uk family joining (except my little sister, princess, who had to work throughout the holidays such that i did not get to see her at all 😢) and had a chaotic gift giving and reveal. i actually read up on this and it seems people have very differing opinions on it – i prefer when each person opens one gift at a time. it feels much more personal and less “transactional.” other people feel that this wastes time and can cause awkwardness, in which case it’s better to have everyone “collect” all their gifts and everyone open everything simultaneously. we did the latter this christmas, and wow, pandemonium! the kids loved it tho!

12.25 *everybody* got up to dance on christmas day

12.26 twin boys + big brother playing with their christmas toys

12.26 more beautiful kiddos loving enjoying those christmas gifts. these two babies *LOVE* each other its the sweetest thing ever

12.25 nap time for michelle after a day of non-stop dancing, playing, and eating.

12.25 the spread that had been eaten! Tate, you are a masterchef!

we had a second christmas party kwamai vatate in harlow where i met many of her relatives i had not met before and also reconnected with some i had met during the season of their wedding. we had a good time, and this only continued to affirm my love and appreciation of extended family – definitely one of the things i love most about being african! the day of the second christmas party was also my sister’s birthday, and the girls and i got together to do something small for her. we love you, chi!

unfortunately, we had a case of the norovirus going around among the babies and they each had their time of illness, with the duration and severity varying significantly across all the kids. the adults, on the other hand, got some form of cold/flu that just wouldn’t go away. mine stayed with me until 2 or 3 weeks after christmas.

tate, sheu, the kids, and i spent new year’s eve at home just relaxing, having some nando’s. we prayed as we entered the new year, then watched the neighboured fireworks, which mels was deathly terrified of. she reminded me of myself – i was also terrified of fireworks when i was her age. chido (my sister) and her girls came to spend my last day in town with me and we had a fun time.

i travelled back to the us the on january 02 so i could attend a ph.d. consortium at the university of north carolina, chapel hill which was scheduled to start on the 6^th. i did not see much of the state, but what i saw was beautiful – there were so many tall trees i was honestly mesmerised. maybe i’ve been doing this city life thing for a bit too long…

01.05 arriving in raleigh, nc. i thought this was so pretty!

01.07 loved seeing these flags next to each other on campus hehe

the spring semester has been work work work. i’ve had my third-year review which did not go great, but not as terribly as i expected. i’ve explored what feels like 3 million possibilities for a dissertation topic (but i think in reality the count is two or three). i’ve started two new projects with faculty members as co-authors. i have cried over work that was done. i have cried over work that was yet to be done. takeaway is… i have cried a lot.

i and my entire family received one of the biggest gifts just over a month ago – my brother and sister-in-love welcomed two new little ones – a boy and a girl, and it is impossible for me to exaggerate how overjoyed we are. the babies are absolutely stunning and so precious to just stare at. mommy and babies are all well, so we are very grateful for that, too.

my grandma, my mom, and i meeting the babies!

Living, Laughing, and Loving

i re-ignited my happy girl summer dates in the summer of 2024! i went on dates with two guys and hit it off with the first one. we went on fun dates for a few weeks but ultimately that did not work out… and another one bites the dust (sang in sia’s voice). nonetheless, i had a great time and he made the summer much more enjoyable and memorable!

and then… i moved! i now have my own apartment, y’all, and i absolutely love it! i have learned a lot about myself in living on my own and i look forward to learning more and to continuing to welcome people into my space – for me, it cannot be a home unless i do so. so, if i ever invite you to my place, i mean it sincerely!

07.19 hello new apartment, where all the rooms are MINE!

07.19 assembling furniture, one of my simple joys

as i mentioned before, my fall semester was pretty much a disaster. however, there was a bright spark in the semester: thanksgiving! i hosted a zim dinner, which was attended by 2 zim boys and 4 arundel girls, myself included. the girls spent two nights at my place and i can only describe that visit as healing. as mentioned above, i was drowning in my own world of stress, but i committed myself to just rest when the girls were around, and i could not have rested in better company. theresa, rutendo, and ropa, from the bottom of my heart – thank you so much for allowing me to host you all for thanksgiving. your visit did a lot for my emotional and physical health.

11.29 dinner crew (+ fungai & rukudzo who are not pictured because, well… this was a girls’ photo)

11.29 the dinner. all four of us can cook… but Ropa is miles ahead! my future nieces and nephews are so blessed!

11.29 my contribution to the thanksgiving spread: carrot cake with cream cheese frosting

11.30 being girls in a makeup shop. guess which two felt right at home in this store and which two were just being silly

11.30 hint #1 to the caption in the previous picture

11.30 then we went to play putt putt!!! once again, Ropa proved her dominance over us!

while in the uk in december, i took a day trip to go and honour a tradition i started in 2023: each time i am in the uk, i must go and watch a theatre show on the west end in london. bella, one of our first year ph.d. students, also happened to be vacationing in london at the time so we spent the day together and went to watch agatha christie’s “the mousetrap.” i got us the cheapest seats possible without obstructed view, and while we could see the show perfectly, the seats in that theatre were easily the most uncomfortable theatre seats i have ever been in and i hope i never experience anything similar or worse. after the show we took a walk around covent garden and then said goodbye!

12.20 i went to london… beybeh! to see my [show]… beybeh!

i got back to the u.s. pretty much immediately after the new year to find that we were experiencing the coldest days of the season in philly, and guess what? i got home to find my apartment with no power, and yes, the building uses electricity for heat. when the power was eventually restored, about 36 or so hours later, the heat on my side of the building wasn’t working, and that lasted for maybe another five days. thankfully, i had a space heater to get me through, but i was so close to getting myself a hotel room the night when we had no electricity. in the end, i was too cheap to do so.

in the spirit of getting myself of out my all work and no play routine, i have started a new tradition where i attend one show or event each month. in january, i went to watch a live production of driving miss daisy (loved it!). in february, i watched noel hayward’s hay fever (it was alright). in march, chisom and i went to watch the new live action snow white (i really enjoyed it!), and in april i watched dreamgirls. given that i am trying to revive happy girl summers and be more social in that way, i doubt this tradition will continue into the summer, but i will definitely pick it back up in the fall!

11.12 november show at the academy of music

01.31 january show: the set of driving miss daisy at the walnut st theater

02.28 february show at the walnut st theater

04.11 april show!!!! i can never get enough of this one! also at the walnut

Reflections

as i look back on the year that was, i am humbled by God’s love for me. as i have stated in this post, this has been an academically trying year for me, but at the same time i have loved being 27. truly it’s the people that make these tough times bearable, and even enjoyable! i am incredibly grateful for all my family members (as usual), to my friends who make me feel seen and laughed, and even make me laugh when i feel like i am drowning, and to my ph.d. friends without whom i don’t even know how i would be surviving this phd journey. i also just want to make special mention of my mother who has listened to me vent on so many phone calls and has just been a beacon of encouragement, always, even when we disagree – i love you, mom.

as i am writing this portion of the post, i am sitting on my bed at home in zimbabwe, with a beautiful overnight downpour of rain in the background, excited to have the chance to celebrate my birthday at home in zimbabwe for the first time since i left home for college in 2016. i am so grateful to be around my family, and i am looking forward to having a little celebration with them soon. the celebration will also help me see as many people as i can while i am here!

i look forward to carrying lots of bags of yummy zim treats like chompkins and spar-letta drinks when i head back to school soon. while the climate has been fairly fearful among international students and uncertain in academia, i am reminded (especially by my mother) to not dwell on the things i cannot control and trust that there is a God who knows and cares for me, and whose care over me is not diminished by my environment.

the next chapter is 28, an age that i have looked forward to since i was a small child, the second and final year in my “age of 28.” i look forward to what God has in store for me, both planned and unplanned. i have seen the scope and depth of my faith stretched in the last two to three years, and i expect 28 to be no-different. by the time i write my next birthday post, my dissertation should be about 80-90% figured out and fleshed out and written, etc., and just the thought of that excites me so much. it is also a huge reminder of how time flies. i also look forward to 28 as two of my really good friends from college will be tying the knot with their chosen ones. i am excited to celebrate the love they have found with them <3.

cheers to the end of the 28^th year and the beginning of the 29^th!

Lots of random pictures