day 270: tiri mubindu – ramblings on the passing of kevin jiang

last sunday morning i found out that someone i knew had been fatally shot the night before right here in new haven. when i first read his name in the email from the university president, “kevin jiang“, i thought it had to be a different kevin. but it soon became clear that this was the same kevin i knew and admired.

many things struck me upon this realisation. one was how casually i had set my phone aside when i had received an email the night before from the university chief of police that an unidentified individual had been shot fatally. i opened the email and checked out the location to ensure it was nowhere close to the areas i frequented. it was, in fact, close to a breakfast/brunch place that university students frequented – my two girlfriends and i had been there just a few weeks prior. i figured i would not be in that area anytime soon, put my phone away, and went to bed without giving the incident another thought. and then the email on sunday morning arrived, and that marked the beginning of a very confusing and tearful day.

i cried upon realising that someone i knew had been so brutally murdered. i cried out of sadness. i cried out of confusion. i cried out of fear. i cried in pain for his parents. it felt unfair that, of all people, it had been kevin. kevin who had just gotten engaged exactly seven days before. i cried for his fiancé.

i have for most of my life believed that you can love anyone if you know them and their story well enough, and so it is that most of us absolutely love people that appear nothing but ordinary to the rest of the world. but kevin just wasn’t like that. kevin was one of those people whose soul you instantly fell in love with. when i first met him he was visiting the on-campus ministry i was a part of in college, yale chi alpha, and he came to say hi to me. he came to me, yet he was the visitor, and boy was that one heck of a greeting! i was a little stunned by how energetic and genuine his greeting was, with a smile that felt like it was radiating from deep within and an eagerness to get to know me as much as he possibly could in the five minutes that followed. at two of the vigils for him that i attended in the last week, floods of people gave testimony to stories similar to mine, to the genuineness of kevin’s heart, to his generosity of spirit which came through within minutes in conversation with him. he was just one of those people that left you feeling at least a little better, feeling seen, after just a few minutes of conversation. he was unashamed of his faith and rooting in Christ, and felt no reason to apologise for it while respecting the differing views of those around him. kevin was a true light, and the world is a little dimmer without him.

it is with this image of a bright and joy-sharing kevin, left alone to die with multiple bullet-shot wounds, that i am brought to one of my favourite, yet somber, songs by the late oliver ‘tuku’ mtukudzi, tiri mubindu. the lyrics of the chorus read:

ruva rakanaka harirarame
(a beautiful flower does not survive)
tinoritanha rangoyevedza
(we pluck it as soon as it blooms)
munhu akanaka haararame
(a good person does not survive)
anotama nenguva pfupi
(they move to the next life in no time)

the first half has always been easy to understand – if you have been to a flower shop, or seen the joy that a beautiful rose shared between lovers can bring (the rose itself doomed to die), or even taken part in the almost natural act of picking out a pretty flower while on a stroll, you’ll know this to be true. the second part only rang so deeply true last weekend. kevin, a young 26-year-old with his life before him, plucked in the prime of his youth.

i have also been plagued a little with thoughts of “the butterfly effect.” if you are unaware, this is the notion that every single action has results greater than itself, that even the seemingly insignificant flapping of a butterfly’s wings deep in the amazon rainforest could lead to a chain of events that ultimately have world-reaching effects. the last time i saw kevin was a few days before last weekend. he was shopping at our local grocery store, and figuring he was occupied with his shopping, and given that it was from a distance that i had spotted him, i did not say hi. my mind can’t help but wonder what could have been or not been had i spoken to him, maybe even just waved to say hello. but God has been bringing me to a place of humility and submission with regards to this – in spite of “the butterfly effect”, God’s will is ultimately sovereign. God is God, and i am not. many things in life are beyond my area of influence, and this is one. my regret, then, is that i did not engage in one last conversation with kevin.

the last time i did have a conversation with kevin was on january 31, 2020, the day he met his future fiance. exactly 372 days before his death. the number 372 has been ringing in my mind the whole week. 372. that’s the number of days kevin had left in his life that day. kevin’s days were numbered, and so are mine. i do not know how many days i have left to be alive, or the number of days my loved ones have. it could be anything 1 to 30,000. i don’t know. if you knew kevin, or took the time to read the various things people have said about him, it would not take long to realise that kevin lived his life to his fullest. if i have learned one thing from the tragedy of his untimely death it is that there is no reason to live ashamed. of what should i be ashamed? of whom? what is the purpose of being alive if i do not use the time i have to be true to who i am and to my convictions? better 26 years of purposeful living that 80 of just “going with the flow.”

i continue to pray for peace for kevin’s fiance as well as his family and close friends – those who knew him best and loved him most. the next few days, months, and years will not be easy with him gone, but i pray for the peace of God that transcends all understanding. as i think of kevin i can’t help but hear the closing words of kirk franklin’s the appeal ring in my head:

When I die, what will they say about me?
Will the work that I’ve done
Be enough to help someone?
When I die, will I draw men’s hearts to You?
At the setting of the sun
Wanna hear You say
Well done, when I die
Well done, well done

i know the Creator has said “well done” to kevin over and over in the last week.

kevin, you were a light. you are a light. and heaven is rejoicing now to have you join eternity and commune with our saviour.

• if you would like to join/watch kevin’s funeral held on saturday february 13, 2021 you can watch the live stream here. kevin would have been 27 the day after on sunday, february 14.
• if you would like to donate to kevin’s family during this difficult time you can give here or here.