Today I decided to take a 6.5 mile (10.5km) walk on the way back from a doctor’s appointment because I really enjoy taking walks, and as I was having at my walk I decided that once i got home I should maybe write some form of “last day of being 23” reflection post. But while I would have wanted to write a super reflective post, this will probably be more of a messy check-in post than anything else. So let’s look back a little on year #24, when I was a buzzing, quarantined 23-year-old:
I have pretty much spent every single day of the last year of my life with my great friend, Nardos. We started living together about 3 weeks before I turned 23 and with the exception of a weekend trip i recently took to go see my baby niece, we’ve spent every single day together. And guess what? We are not sick of each other! While we used to cook for each other on a daily basis, we have now switched to just having saturday dinners together instead ever since I became vegetarian. Honestly, I chose to mention Nardos first because she has been the most constant thing/person in my life over the last year.
But Nardos and I haven’t just been at this alone! No! How could I ever forget my i2020 girls, Maria and Phyllis!? While I got my first taste of living with good friends in my senior year of college, I learned how friends can really feel like home over the last 12 months. I honestly loved sitting in the living room and waiting to see which one of Nardos, Phyllis and Maria would walk in so I could just chat and laugh with them. And then there were Saturday dinners! I’m trying to remember how this great tradition began and I just can’t place it – I’m sure it has something to do with me wanting to make sure we kept Roy fed during this quarantine season and that just stuck! A full year later and we are going strong.
However, as most of my 24th year took part in 2020, the year wasn’t without its disappointments. Coming to college in 2016 I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t expect too much, but I thought that at the very least I would get to graduate, you know. So it was pretty dsappointng when that did not happen. My parents had just received their visas to travel to the US for my graduation when Yale shutdown everything and it hit that there was no chance of commencement taking place. I was so excited for my friends to meet my family – I was extra ready to show off my baby niece, Matipa! I was also super excited to show my family around my residential college, Pauli Murray, and especially to take them to our beautiful dining hall so they could get a taste of the delicious, delightful, delovely food that was keeping my jeans on nice and tight. I also really wanted to meet my friends’ families. But a big shout out to my dad <3, my bestie – chibhebhi changu Ropa, and the Newfie himself Columbus who all Zoomed in to watch me as I watched my virtual graduation on the living room tv! It was a funny arrangement but you three absolutely filled my heart and it meant so much to me <3. And we still celebrated!
Another c*vid-19 disappointment was that I did not get to have and perform a senior song with my acappella group, Living Water. Normally, during the intermission of the final concert of the year, the senors in the group will perform a song of their own choosing to the audience as a way of parting with the group and the school and I was super excited to do this :(. I also was stubbornly determined to go on our Spring Break tour to Seattle, even after it was officially cancelled. I boarded my plane to Washington state hoping to head to Seattle after a few days hanging with a friend who lives in Spokane, WA, but as c*vid dictated, Seattle never happened. I ended up cutting my Spokane trip short so I could travel back to New Haven. There were other disappointments and deep aches to the year, many of which are not my stories to tell, but I just want to say to my friends and loved ones whose hurt i shared somewhat in the last year, my heart was then and still is with you now.
The year didn’t also start off well for me. Aside from knowing that our graduation was not going to happen, I was also a fulltime rovha, 100% unemployed with no prospects ahead of me. I just kept getting one job rejection after another and I was at a point where I was thinking that maybe I should just go back to Zimbabwe, and that staying in the US was not in God’s plans for me. I remember not completely unpacking throughout the summer months as I was living with the i2020 girls because I did not know what the future held for me. It was such a tough time for me, and given that I had been accepted into a grad shcool program and rejected the offer I was beginning to wonder if I had made the wrong decision. And y’all don’t even know, my family carried me through it all. I just want to give, like, the biggest shout out right now to Tendai, my sister-in-love. Tendie, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that you were such a point of strength for me during those times (i’m tearing up just remembering). Thank you, both you and Peace, for making it a point to check in with me on a very regular basis, checking to see how I was doing and just chatting and laughing with me. Thank you so so much, I hope you know how much I love you. All I know is that takaitirwa nyasha naMwari cause haaa takagona kuroora! I’m also super grateful for my parents. I spent so much time on the phone with my mom and never got anything short of encouragement and prayer from her. God ended up working things out and your girl got employed and I finally stopped contributing to the number yemarovha!
Year 24 was also a year that was marked by a lot of conversations between me and God, with me just shooting all my questions to Him about my understanding of Him, who He really was, and what His character was like. In all honestly, a lot of these questions were from a place of questioning His character, and I was earnestly trying to decide not whether I loved God because I knew I did already, but whether I actually liked Him. This was a tough season for me, I shed so many tears in these conversations with Him as I was battling so much in my own mind. I ended up deciding to watch a sermon a day for Lent as a way to intentionally spend more time learning and hearing from God, and as he always does. God came through for me. The thing, the message, that really ended up rescuing me from my own mind was Joseph Prince’s message, the message of his ministry, which is to understand just how much I am loved by God. To place my identity and my hope not in my love for God, but in God’s love for me. I learned that while loving someone can change you, actually knowing and understanding that you are loved will transform you, and to be loved by The One who is Love itself? oof… I could write a whole post on this but i’ll spare you, and how about i just refer you to this wonderful sermon.
I became vegetarian in 2021 and I have been vegetarian for almost 4 full months now! Guys, I am *so* proud of myself. This year I also decided to take a few other strides related to my health, things that had always been on my “new year’s resolutions” but i had never actually managed to achieve. God has been so gracious and somehow things are working out a little more in that regard right now. I have read more books in the last 12 months than I think I have read in the last 10 years, lol. It’s not many, just more. I hadn’t been much of a reader before (I’m also proud to say that most of those books have been by Zimbabwean and other African authors!) but I’m doing better now. Follow me on goodreads if you are interested in nowing what i’ve been reading!
I have formed and deepened a lot of relationships and friendships over the last 12 months. One huge one was that I decided that I would intentionally try to get much closer with my mother, that I would actively involve her in a lot of my decisions, even if some of those conversations might be uncomfortable not just for me but for her too. I have learned that I have at times grossly underestimated how well this woman knows me and although I have always known she loves me very much, I am seeing it more and more clearly on a daily basis. As I get older and hopefully get closer to one day (in the fuuuture lol) becoming a mom myself, I am realising just how much my mother loves and cares for me. I know that her heart has been burdened even more than my own by some of my struggles and I know that her prayers have carried me through a lot of tough seasons.
And OMG! How could I forget! Candid Shar’n was born in year 24! And as a bonus, I’ll share this *never before seen* content, my original candid shar’n logo:
I laugh as I look at this because I remember how lovingly my housemates smiled at me when I showed them the logo. Honestly, these people were real homies! Ofc i ended up going with a different one, as you are already aware. I ended up trying a few more things and learning new computer programs so I could come up with the Candid Shar’n logo that you are familiar with today.
Honestly speaking, despite having to stay indoors most of the time, I have enjoyed my 24th year of life. Ever since graduating from college I have become more comfortable in my own skin, less threatened by people around me who do things better or faster, and just become more confident and relaxed in who I am, as I am. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am not perfect (being alone for so long in these quarantimes will lead you to reflect more and see yourself a little more clearly, blemishes and all included), but I am learning to live with my imperfections – to accept the things i cannot change and have the humility and courage to work on changing the things i can. One sign of growth for me has been learning to just show myself love and to do the things I enjoy doing more. I go on more walks now and I don’t try to force myself to run anymore because I just really do not enjoy running. I have also discovered that I enjoy cooking (on my own) and baking (alone or with others), and so instead of expecting someone to get or make me cake for my birthday this year, I will be baking my own cake (with the help of nardos <3) because why not? It’s my birthday so I’m going to do what I enjoy on the day!
Okay, let’s talk TV, because what else could have taken up all my time as an unemployed chica sitting through c*vid quarantimes. What memorable things did i watch in the last year: selling sunset, family guy, schitt’s creek, the matrix, friends (again and again), tangled (again and again and again and … you get it), 90 day fiance (!!! like, *all* the seasons, i’m embarassed), the bachelorette, the bachelor, lots of sermons, unwell, scrubs, himym (again). and i started playing kkh again (another pause of embarassment).
Even more important, a couple of shout outs to just some (but obviously not all) of the people who have made this last year incredible for me: Bhebhi Ropa, Cho, Nardos, Naima, Phillo, Joe D, Roy, Tendie, Peace, my Twinny Tida, my other twinny Tavo, Mommy, Pa, Chido, all three girls: Matipa, Mutsa, naRudo, Miss Geach, and everyone else I am blanking on rn. Thank you all for being such amazing friends and family, I’m too blessed.
Alright, so let’s look ahead a little: I’m excited for what’s coming next. Like, really excited, I’m shaking a little. I feel like God is opening doors for me and having me try out things that I otherwise would not have or things that I had not even thought of, things that were not even in my line of vision before. I also just have this feeling that something is about to shift in my life – it might be a grand shift, it might be a tiny one, i’m not sure. All I know is that I can feel deep inside me that something is different, and something is about to be even more different. In Christian-ese, we call these seasons – I feel a new season coming.
Okay, I think that’s enough for now. If you’ve gotten to this point in the post, wakapenga. Sando dzako! I’m excited to be 24! I remember turning 20 I was scared of becoming “an adult” but this time, I feel confident and excited. 24 is a big one, and with 8,765 days under my belt, I’m ready for it!
xx
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Sharon Joy, aka QueenJoy
P.S. have you figured out why i call myself QueenJoy? 10 points if you have!
CANDID SHAR'N 